– Jonathon Jaffrey, Springbanc Philanthropy Advisors

According to recent estimations, by the year 2055 somewhere between $41 and $136 trillion of accumulated assets will pass from one generation to another, marking what may be the largest intergenerational wealth transfer in American history. Along with this transfer of assets comes a transfer of values as one generation seeks to prepare the next for managing wealth responsibly.

There are certain commonalities among parents trying to raise successful children. For wealthy parents, however, the challenges of raising children against a backdrop of excess are unique. How to instill a sense of motivation in the absence of economic necessity? How to manage social pressure, complex sibling relationships, and an almost unavoidable sense of entitlement? How to ensure that children find meaningful pursuits that will bring a sense of purpose and worth to their lives? We spoke recently to children raised in wealthy families and to wealthy parents themselves. From these interviews, and in drawing upon our own experiences, we offer the following resolutions:

1. Lead By Example. The son of one of the highest paid CEO’s in America said that his father’s treatment of people was a defining factor as he grew from child to adult. “I watched my father and saw that he was respectful to everyone. In contrast, I observed how many of his friends used their power to belittle or berate others.” Many successful parents of wealthy children say that they put a stake in the ground as it relates to certain values and work hard to consistently and consciously demonstrate these behaviors.

2. Set Limits…For Yourself. Most parents, and especially wealthy parents, establish limits for what their children may have. Yet many do so even as they themselves live lavishly, or at least very comfortably. As one former CEO of a Fortune 500 Company describes it, “…we had access to the corporate jet and could afford to fly first-class, which my wife and I greatly preferred, but on many family vacations we flew coach and we didn’t complain, nor did we make it clear we were doing it to instill a certain appreciation for what we had. We did it frequently enough that it just was how we sometimes traveled, like a lot of other people.”

3. Don’t Assure Them Their Future. Many children of wealthy parents say that the best thing their parents did was not to make them too comfortable. A recent study by Barclay’s Wealth supports this, showing that over a third of wealthy families surveyed feared leaving large sums of money to their children would keep them from accomplishing their own goals in life. Moreover, those parents who inherited their own wealth were even less likely to pass on large sums than those whose fortunes were earned. And, sixty percent of those with more than $10 million in assets said that they have stipulated a child must complete a college education or hold down a job for a specific length of time in order to collect their inheritance.

4. Start Charitable Giving Early. Even young children can learn to help others. Make family volunteerism a non-negotiable activity. Encourage children to give a portion of their allowance to a charitable cause of their choice. Recognize your children’s interests and help them identify organizations that fuel these interests. Carve out time for charitable events or actions that your children can identify with and that are appropriate for their age.

5. Help Your Children Discover Their Passion. Help your children identify the factors that motivate them to succeed. For some, it’s a deeply held passion about a certain subject. For others, success itself is motivating. The greatest gift you can give your children is to help them discover who they are and what they are capable of accomplishing—their identity should not rest solely on what they have.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, consider the legacy you leave to your immediate family as much as you consider the impact your endowment has on the philanthropies you support. Make family governance a priority. Have collaborative conversations with multiple family members about the transfer of wealth. Empower children by making them feel that their input into the family’s plan is as important as your direction. This will help to assure that your planning and teaching will take root in the next generation and in those to come.